Five years after the publication of the bestseller Tell me who you love, I’ll tell you who you are, psychologist Marc Pistorio offers an inspiring and realistic book: Connected to yourself, connected to others. The book for the general public offers avenues for reflection to help people get through the current crisis, bring them to transform themselves and better live their relationship with themselves and with others.
His short texts speak of empathy, generosity, gratitude, creativity. They talk about loneliness, married life, family relationships, the upheavals one goes through in life. But also in ways to see things more clearly, to put things into perspective, to refocus on the essential and, ultimately, to open up to something better and to flourish.
Marc Pistorio has adapted his book to the context of the pandemic. He raises several very relevant points at this time when interpersonal relationships are strained by confinement and physical distancing.
“It is completely the opposite of human as a social being, because from the very beginning of life, we are ‘pre-wired’ to come into contact with others. It is true that the pandemic brings us directly back to loneliness. What I am observing is that for some it seems to be better lived, and for others it is much more difficult, ”he says.
“There is really a whole category of people – and I see it in consultation – who enter into rationalizations and who say: finally, me, anyway, that’s fine with me, I’m never bored, etc. And there we take a break and I start asking questions: the idea is not to retreat, to take refuge, but on the contrary to continue living. “
The psychologist notes that the pandemic creates other problems, including that of loneliness. “Whether we feel alone, whether we live alone, whether we are afraid or have little social contact, loneliness shortens our life expectancy. “
He notes that in the United States, there has already been an upsurge in depression and anxiety disorders. “Typically isolation, if it turns into social withdrawal, in our diagnostic manual is a hallmark of signs of depression. “
Psychosocial damage is also likely to be significant in children. “Isolation and loneliness also go against their childhood energy, because the child is defined in the relationship with parents, with peers. One of the developmental components of a child is social development, just like physical or cognitive development. “
“This means that here too, it is difficult to measure the extent to which we will observe social impairments in children. How does a child learn to function in society if he is not in contact with society? This is a real problem, and I, as a psychologist, worries me. “
How can we create links, despite the pandemic, despite the restrictions, and get out of the walls of confinement? “I think it’s important that every adult, as a parent, as an adult in the couple, as a friend, already reflects on their own definition of what is going on. “
Instead of locking himself in and isolating himself, he offers, considering what is possible, to see what one is comfortable with. “It’s not possible to meet in large groups of people, but you can maintain a circle of friends. Outdoor dating and virtual routines should be considered, he adds.
” It is possible to be born later in life, through significant encounters and positive intimate experiences, and thus eliminate the negative impact of a weakening beginning of life. If we die where there is the compulsive repetition of what destroys and causes suffering, we are born where the free inspiration of the present is lived, free from evils and the parasitic past. Let us dwell on what is darkening, just enough to enrich us with what is to be understood. “
- Marc Pistorio is a psychologist and mediator.
- He holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and a member of the Ordre des psychologues du Québec.
- He has published several books and now lives in Los Angeles.